Why Self-Trust is the Key to the Life You Want

And Why Self-Trust is a Struggle

For most of your life, you were taught to look outside yourself for answers. Self-Trust was not a part of the conversation.

📌 Advice from experts.
📌 Guidance from family.
📌 The unspoken rules of how things should be.

Follow the right path, and everything will work out. Or so you were told and believed. Until…
One day, it doesn’t.

The Moment I Understood Self-Trust

I was in the middle of a painful divorce. My perfect marriage had shattered. I was left picking up the pieces of my life as a single mom to my precious 4-year-old son.

📌 My parents had advice.
📌 My friends had opinions.
📌 My therapist had guidance.

But here was the painful, searing truth:

🔹I was the one living in the middle of it.
🔹I was the one who had to live with the decisions.
🔹I was the one who had to navigate the messy aftermath—no one was coming to rescue me.

💡These moments make you feel small, naked, and exposed—maximum vulnerability.

All you want is for someone, anyone, to take the weight off your shoulders.

✔ To tell you what to do.
✔ To decide for you.

But no one could do that for me. And no one can do it for you.

There was no escaping it.
I had to trust myself.

❌ Not because I felt strong.
❌ Not because I had certainty.
✅ But because if I wanted a better life, I had no choice but to trust my inner knowing, my inner wisdom.

And that’s when I realized—this is what Self-Trust calls for.

💡Having the courage to make decisions that work for you.

Knowing that all those people who you’ve leaned on or who have given you advice might not agree with you or even support you.

Self-Trust: The Bridge from External to Internal Trust

At first, trusting yourself feels like walking across a bridge with no guard rails.
You’ve spent years—maybe decades—leaning on external trust.

✔ Trusting parents to know what’s best.
✔ Trusting teachers to tell you the right answers.
✔ Trusting partners, friends, bosses, and mentors to help guide your way.

But then, something breaks.
Because what once worked for you no longer does.

And suddenly, you find yourself standing on that bridge—teetering, knees knocking, stomach in a knot; maybe you’re screaming with fear, or maybe you’re just numb.

Realizing that the only way forward is to learn to trust yourself, to trust that you know what is right for you. To walk across that bridge to your inner knowing, to your own wisdom.

Why Self-Trust Feels Risky

Here’s the part no one talks about:
What if you’re wrong?
What if you make the call, trust yourself, and it doesn’t work out?

Who do you blame?

When you’ve spent a lifetime looking outward to others to inform your decisions, there’s always someone else to hold responsible.

But when you choose yourself, there’s no one left to blame.

And that? That’s knee-knocking, anxiety-filled, unnerving.

Because self-trust requires courage.
🔹 It’s about owning your choices—fully. 🔹It’s about deciding that even if it doesn’t go as planned, you won’t turn on yourself.
🔹 You won’t collapse into self-judgment.
🔹You won’t run back to giving your power to someone else.

Instead, you’ll do what people who have learned to trust themselves do:

✅ You’ll recognize that you’re learning to trust your inner wisdom.
✅ You’ll shift from being your own ‘mean girl’ to being your own best cheerleader. ✅ You’ll give yourself a hug for taking imperfect action.
✅ You’ll cross that bridge and keep going.

What is Self-Trust Anyway

In my messy and often painful journey to trusting myself, I learned this important lesson:

💡 Self-trust isn’t about certainty—it’s about standing with yourself, no matter what.

And there are three key elements that help you take that big step from looking to others to trusting your own wisdom.

1. You Are the Expert of You – Recognize Yourself

Self-Trust starts with acknowledging that no one else knows YOU better than you do. You can take in advice, hear different perspectives, and gather information—but at the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with your choices. Self-trust means stepping into your own authority and honoring what feels true for you.

2. Act on What You Know – Courage to Choose

Knowing what’s right for you is one thing—acting on it is another. Self-Trust requires the courage to make decisions that honor your truth, even when they feel uncomfortable, even when they disrupt old patterns, even when there’s no external validation.

3. Have Your Own Back – Stand by Yourself No Matter What

Self-Trust isn’t about being right all the time—it’s about having your own back. Instead of second-guessing or abandoning yourself when things don’t go as planned, or you get it wrong, you support yourself through it. Being your own ally means treating yourself with the same kindness, encouragement, and belief that you would offer a close friend.

Self-Trust Isn’t Just for Big Moments

It’s easy to see self-trust as something you need in the big, life-altering moments.
But here’s the thing:

That same intensity of responsibility exists in your everyday choices.

Recently, my doctor prescribed medication for a minor health issue. We’re taught to do what the Dr. says. But I know my body responds best to natural remedies. So I said thanks, but no thanks. My body does better with natural remedies for this kind of situation. So I’m going to do that.

Maybe for you it’s…

The moment you decide to stop eating meat, even though your family loves it.
The moment you tell your partner, I’m not going to the football game this week, even though you’ve gone to every game for the past twenty years.
The moment you tell your boss, I’ll finish this in the morning, even though you almost always push yourself past exhaustion (when it’s not necessary) to demonstrate your hustle versus choosing your own self-care.

Because even when the stakes seem lower, the energy dynamics are the same:

You’re choosing yourself in a new way.
You’re breaking old agreements that no longer serve you.
You’re stepping into the unknown of a differnt choice—and that always feels risky.

How Self-Trust Speaks to You

Before you can tap into self-trust, you have to recognize how it shows up for you.

Here are some of the ways self-trust might be trying to get your attention:

A gut knowingness – A sensation in your stomach, chest, or body that signals this is right (or this is wrong).

1. A whisper of intuition – A quiet, fleeting thought that feels true before your mind jumps in with logic or doubt.
2. Saying it out loud – Sometimes, hearing yourself say a decision clarifies whether it feels right or feels off.
3. Feeling resistance or ease – If you imagine going one way and it feels constricting, that’s information. If it feels like a relief, that’s trust speaking.
4. Recognizing an emotional storm – When emotions are high, clarity is often low. Self-trust sometimes means waiting—giving yourself space to settle before making a decision
5. The thought that won’t go away – If something keeps nudging you, even when you try to ignore it, that might be self-trust trying to break through the noise.

Self-trust doesn’t always shout. Sometimes, it whispers. The key is noticing how it speaks to you so you can begin to trust your inner knowing.

How Self-Trust Feels When It’s Missing

For many of us, the fast path to Self-Trust is to notice what your body feels like when you go against yourself.

Your body is literally waving a red flag that your actions are out of alignment with what you know to be true.

Notice when your body gives you these messages. Your body contains powerful wisdom and tells you when you’re going against yourself.

1. A tightness in the chest or stomach – Like you’re bracing for something that isn’t right.
2. An endless loop of overthinking – Trying to analyze every possible outcome instead of listening inward.
3. A constant pull for reassurance – Feeling like you need someone else to confirm your choices.
4. Feeling disconnected or lost – A sense of being adrift, like you’ve lost your internal compass.
5. A nagging feeling you’re ignoring – A gut instinct that keeps poking at you, even when you try to dismiss it.

The Real Work of Self-Trust

Self-trust isn’t about always feeling confident or having certainty.
It’s about listening to yourself—even when it’s uncomfortable.
It’s about acting on what you know—even when you’re scared.

The more you listen, the stronger it gets.
The more you act on it, the clearer it becomes.
Because self-trust isn’t just something you have.
It’s something you build.

What Changes When You Trust Yourself

You stop second-guessing.
You stop waiting for the perfect moment.
You stop shrinking yourself to fit expectations.

Instead, you start moving.
Deciding.
Living.

Because when you trust yourself, life stops feeling like something you have to get right—
And starts feeling like something you get to create.

One small step toward self-trust today creates a positive ripple effect—what’s one action you can take to back yourself?